Drunken videos

-Drunken videos-

Lets face it. With today's technology, videos cameras are everywhere and there's already no telling how many videos of you there are out there hitting on your friends grandma. There is no review this week. Im sorry. I am pounding some Labatts though, which has to count for something. Im going to scour Youtube to find some videos of drunken fools and collect a few of them here for you instead. This will be an ongoing thing im going to add to the site instead of just the updates.

I typed in youyube.com. Great start. 

This is fucking excellent. The look on the drunk guys face while he stares into the eyes of the refs are like Sam Jacksons eyes as he looked into that one kids face right before he ate his Big Kahuna burger. That guy who ran up and spine crushed him only did it because 50 minutes before, he was reliving how he missed the tackle that would have sent his Texas high school team to states at the bar with his buddies. Thats a championship tackle.

This is awesome because the drunk guy never throws a punch. Hes got a few dudes rocking him quick but decides the best option is to kick. Thats kinda fucked up because his footing was all shitty the whole time. Ive been in this spot before. Sometimes your so hammered, you wobble around so much your brain thinks its only possible because someone obviously pushed you. I like the power stance right before his attack. If someones standing in front of me like that, im probably going to try to give him some money or something. 

This guy would have been better off riding the rails. The music put to this is spot on! My favorite part is the when he touches down at the end. Things like that are only possible if your drunk. He walks it off like a boss. 

If your into video games, he totally looks like agent 47 from Hitman.

 This is the guy I want to party with, except it would only be once because people like this need beer poured on them. No friends with him either so you know he watched this video and thats how he found out how his face got messed up. Who dresses like that anyways? Must have been at a wedding. Open bar? Im betting so. 

Is it even necessary to do a breathalizer here? This dude just put a hole in your wall with his fucking face. I cant believe this cop kept a straight face. I wouldnt want to play that guy in poker. Bad form though for that being your drunk room. Should be like a pool table in there or a dartboard. Maybe even a jukebox with Stairway to Heaven being the only song you can play. 

Maybe its the beers, but that drunk guy looks alittle like Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Great show.

Alright. Thats about it. Have a good weekend everyone.

DRAGON STOUT - JAMAICA

DRAGON STOUT - JAMAICA

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year guys. Seriously.
I had a great holidays. Lots of friends and family and all that good stuff. Gained too much weight but here I am on a new years night to declare to lose it. All in. I apologize for the lack of updates. With all the family and beer, its been hard. I like to dedicate a section to this site by myself with no one around. I hate to update with family around, mostly because they would read this and hate me and buy me less.
By the way, my birthday is Thursday. Wassup.

Out of all the beer I have researched, this is the least. Theres like no info online about this shit. For a new year post, I should have went Chinese or something, but Ive done that. I could do Australia. Nope. Britain. Nope. 

Im not driving anymore. The dude I used to buy off of died In a car accident near where I live last week. He was a beer man, and knew his shit. Im still pretty sad about all of it. He helped me pick "weird beer" out, and hes obviously not here anymore so now its really just me. Hit a semi head on, on the 23rd, 2 days before Christmas. Fucked up. 

Here's what I learned from this place, and I'm going to copy and paste because its so little.......

D&G produces one of Jamaica's best-known exports, Red Stripe beer, and also exports Old Jamaica Ginger Beer. It brews other malt beverages for the local market under the brand names Red Stripe Light, Dragon Stout, Malta (nonalcoholic), Smirnoff Ice, Guinness, and Heineken.

Dragon Stout

Dragon was introduced in 1920.^[2] Its brewing process utilities a Grade A two-row European malt, caramel, roasted malt and dark brown sugar.
 END COPY AND PASTE

Its from Jamaica, and I would put all kinds of puns and jokes in, but what am I going to say?

They smoke weed? They got a bobsled team? Fuck it. Its a beer that's got a hard bite, and its good if you like dirty beer. Dirty beer doesn't have a description unless you've had it. Its your lager beer that's local and fermented. Like in your basement for 3 years.

THE VERDICT

Its hard but only because no ones buying it. pretty sure its like that all the time.
I hope you have a great 2014 and buy because I say so, not because your dad does.

  6 OUT OF 10

Palma Louca - Braz-ill

Palma Louca - Brazil-

Spending more time then I wanted to in the far east, I decided to try coming back to this side of the planet since Famosa was pretty decent. Before I write a review, I read up on the country it was brewed in and the Company that brewed it so I can throw a few interesting tidbits in and have a feeling like I know what the fuck I'm talking about. I had to put the wiki into Google translate, which is always a good sign. 

I used to work at a Burger King when I was in high school and there was a few people who worked there who came from Brazil to come see what the States was like. They got set up with the job and the location to live, which was in a trailer park by the way. Whoever decided they should come to Buffalo and work at a Thru-way Burger King to really get a grasp on American life was either spot fucking on or has an awesome sense of humor. 

Anyways, they told me Brazil was beautiful, but to look out for girls who claimed to be girls, but would later turn out to be dudes. Not sure if thats really a thing but this beer is as about as close to Brazil as I'm going to get, so thanks guys. 

Palma Louca is brewed by Cervejaria Kaise. I think I spelled that right. Coca-Cola owns 10 percent of them, which makes me respect Coke alittle more. From there, it gets alittle crazy. Molson Canadian had a brewery in Brazil, which is fucking nuts by the way, and Cervejaria Kaise bought them for 765 million dollars US. They had a little help in Heineken which threw in 220 mil for a stake in the company. 

Brazil is a really beautiful country, through pictures, since Ive never been there. Its the worlds 5th largest country, by both land area and population. No telling how many of them are trying to trap you into a sexual encounter though.

Its kinda weird that being the number five biggest country on the planet, the only time you hear of Brazil is when a soccer game is on TV. 

The beer itself is 4.5 percent alc. and is a pale pilsner. Its not a beer thats going to make you cringe when you drink it, and could easily be mistaken for any American or Canadian beer. You could drink some of this beer, and have your girl drink the other half, because you probably split beers with your girlfriend you pussy. 

The Verdict

5.5 out of 10

Not too bad, but not too good. Its not a beer I would go out to buy, but something I could drink alot of if it was the only choice at a party. Its not unlike beer most people already drink just the the hell of it, slightly sweet, bland and inoffensive.

Mythos - The god of skunk

Mythos - Greece

Sorry there was no update last week. I was on my honeymoon in Florida at Disney world with my beautiful wife. I planed on doing a beers around the world update as they had the wine and food festival going on in EPCOT. The 8 dollar beers made me not do it. Seriously. 8 bucks for the cheapest.  Fuck that.

Greece is known for their great history of the gods and awesome ruins that are still visible. Its cool to think about it, but ruins are what im tasting right now.

With the history of the region, you would think they would cash in on it. Im not sure if its a good idea they didnt because thats what you would expect, or its just a shitty idea. The Unicorn is proudly printed on the label. When I think of Greece, I dont think of unicorns. Unicorns are creatures I would love to find and see. This beer is something I found and wish I didnt. Im pissed because there was a few other beers I looked at but didnt buy. This shit tastes skunky. I hope its not just the beer tasting that way, but just that it sat on the shelf that long.

I thought about what I just typed and decided to look. Its totally expired.

In light of recent events, there will not be a verdict this week. Its not fair. This really sucks because I thought up some pretty good material to make fun of this beer.

 FOR SHAME. 

When your in the business of selling imported beer from all over the world, you would think you would take into account the fact that some people are not going to buy a beer from Greece or other countries other than the USA. Most people walk into that place to buy Bud or Coors.  Im probably the only guy to buy this beer in the last 6 months. I paid full price for it too.

 Pissed.

Should I check the expiration on the other beers I drank that I gave shitty reviews to? Nah. That requires too much work. Instead, heres a few facts about the brewery.

- Its the second largest brewer in Greece

- Carlsberg owns it. Mythos imports Guinness for the region

- 4.7 percent alc by vol

- Lager beer

Unreal. Ill be more careful next time. Grow with me, im still learning. 

By the way......Im still looking for people to submit pictures of their parties and passed out or really drunk attendees for me to poke a small amount of fun at. Please click the "contact us" part of the page and send those pictures on in. Keep in mind your buddies will be on the front page here and are open to me saying whatever I like about them. Make sure thats ok.

 See you next time.

Chang Beer - Finally.

Chang Beer - Not good-

Before I start this review, I got an email from someone saying I need to correct my grammar and spelling before I post if I want to be taken seriously.

 Fuck off.

 This is a beer site. I write these posts as im drinking, and if I did it sober, Id be just like the guy who emailed that. Im not going to drink this beer and tell you about it next week. Im going to drink it and tell you about it right as I type, because that makes it feel more authentic. Who writes a beer blog sober? Hipsters. Thats who.

I went to Thailand with this beer, and I gotta say, Im happy I finally found a shit brew. When I first started this site, I wanted to search the globe for some of the worlds weirdest and most shit beer. Though I have definitely found weird beer, its also been pretty good so far.  I really want to find beer that would make me want to quit drinking every time I tip my bottle up. This is as close as Ive gotten so far. Cant believe a beer from Thailand made it happen. Sense my sarcasm?

 If you know of a beer that's not from the U.S. that's god awful, please use the "contact us" part of the site to tell me about it. Ill try to feature what I can get a hold of.

This beer is brewed in Ayutthaya, Thailand. Got that? Yeah, me neither.

The city has a population of 300,000 people which all ride elephants to work. The roadways are extra wide. It was burned down in 1767 by the Burmese army. 

I cant imagine why. 

Its often called the Venice of the east, which is convenient since I wish the waters would rise.

You can almost always tell a beer is going to be shitty by simply seeing a gold wrap around the neck, and as the saying goes, you cant polish a turd. Upon first drink, its not great, but its not bad. The aftertaste however is something id liken to drinking goat piss. Its god awful.

Fun fact:  Carlsberg and Chang established a joint venture in 2000, Carlsberg Asia, to try to create a significant brewing company in Asia. In 2005, Carlsberg pulled out from the venture and terminated the license agreement with Chang. I wonder why? Could be the lack of quality. Anyways, Carlsburg had to pay 120 milllion bucks which I find to be absurd. Thaibev, which makes Chang, didn't put any of that money into making the beer better. I promise.

Shitty beer makes writing these more fun. 

The Verdict:

4 out of 10

Stay away. The elephant on the box filled with beer should be enough. Your friends and family will tell you to never judge a book by its cover but in this case, go right ahead. 

Tusker Lager - The pride of Africa

Tusker Lager- Kenya

Unreal

Tusker Ale is awesome. Its got an awesome story as well, and Ill tell you. Its made in Kenya, and has the market at 30 percent. Its 4.2 as well which by Coors Light standard, is great. First marketed in 1923, It was started after the founder of Kenya Breweries, George Hurst, was killed by an elephant during a hunting accident. Seriously? Hilarious. So they named it Tusker. 

If i get gored by any animal, name a beer after me. Call it mouse, cuz mice gore the fuck out of people. Seen your attic? yeah, check it. 

Nothing says import like a white ass generic box with a print out.

Out of the beer ive tried so far, Its the best.

Imagine being in Africa after a hards day poaching and going to a.......bar? Whatever they call a bar there.....

"Give me a fucken Tusker"

Your dreams realized. Your welcome.

A shotgun strapped to your back. A satchel with the finest ivory. The glory of offloading it without being prosecuted. 

The Verdict

10 out of 10

This shits the real deal. I don't give the slightest fuck if you have to go to Africa to get it, its in your best interest to try the shit out of this, its seriously that good. 

Famosa - Get famous, by yourself

Famosa - Guatemala

When I think of Central America, I think of drug lords and disease. I saw some beer from there and was all excited to buy it. Its actually pretty good. Id totally buy it again, though I think whoever is in charge of marketing needs to be fired. 

Yo dude, we are drinking cock tonight.

"Bring your party to life."

For sure brother. Roosters make me think of eggs, which is weird because they don't lay them. Guatemala has a rich history with the Mayans. Why cant they have used that? Imagine drinking a beer with a picture of a few guys playing Mayan death ball on the box. Are you fucking shitting me? Ill take 10 cases. 

They call it "Gallo" outside of the good old USA. It started being crafted in 1896 and is the most famous beer in the region, hence its name with a foreign misspelling twist. Close enough of a spelling for us Americans to get the drift, but they took the U out and added an A to the end to make it mysterious.

As for the "Bring your party to life" on the top, well, If you show up to any party I throw with a 6 pack thinking your going to be a game changer, I will personally punch a hole in your face.

The Verdict:

Its really pretty good. If it came in a larger case and I had a different box to put it in, I totally would. Thats the glory of weird beer though. Keep brewin' world.

7 out of 10