Ill get to writing that as soon as I can figure out and relearn HTML code. I haven't written it probably 10 years. The site I use, which is Blogger, redirects to the main website, its pretty easy for even the biggest morons to figure out. They integrate together. Took me about 20 minutes to set it up and upload the backgrounds and other images for the main site splash, but I realize that you can only go about 5 deep in my past posts. If you want to see anything past that, it wont load. Usually Im drinking when I even think about doing anything for this site. That includes reading E-mails, or checking page views.
So here I am. I am giving myself 2 hours to write an archive page, and hopefully it works, or else youll have to click the post, get to my blogger site, then click more. It should be easier, and Ill figure it out while i drink these Colt 45's. I underestimate myself and probably shouldn't be doing what I do for a living.
I like doing websites. Hopefully I don't suck at it. Time to knock off the rust.
So I get out of a hardly hard days work and roll my co-worker to his place. He works right next to the place I buy my beer at. They are closed.
RAGE
So much rage dude. I was looking forward to doing French beer and feeding the medium amount of viewers I have In France, but im sorry. I tried a place a mile or so down the road.
"Hey man, I know Its strange, but do you have any beer from France?"
There was much laughing.
Much.
Is that so hard to ask? French beer? Maybe it is. Ive never been anywhere else and ask for that kind of booze. I guess its like asking for a virus. No need to act like a jerk-off about it man. Its a yes or no question.
Worst part is, hes like,
"Have you had Bass?"
FUCK YOU.
Im not an elitist. OK.
Im also not a dickface.
If there is a difference between Budwiser and Labatts, Theres a BIG difference between Bass and anything French. (freedom fries)
I have no idea what French beer tastes like. Cant be that bad. Or good.
I got you next week.
I got back from Florida this past week. It was warm and awesome.
Awesome is great weather, but awesome is not the skin peeling off my back.
Whenever i take my shirt off, it looks like its snowing.
I used to sit next to a kid who used to rub his head and make it snow during lunch.
It was on his food.
One day, he brought a pipe bomb into school and tried to kill us all.
He failed.
As for this weeks post, I got drunk videos for you.
Ever feel like the whole bar is against you? Maybe you have had a few too many and you think the bouncer is being an asshole?
This guy is on your side.
Yeah. Ive been there man. Im having fun. Some douch is saying your being an asshole and the bouncer does not ask questions. Hes just right in your face, and your out.
Well in this this video........hes out.
Fuck bouncers. Bouncers are douchbags.
"Hey man.....Im going to stand by the door like a big tool bag. If you want to have fun, come through me!"
All bouncers beat their significant others. Its scientific fact.
Its all fun and games til he goes home and beats his wife.
Bouncers are cool when your out smoking or something else and some dudes hitting on your wife. If you didnt see that coming, maybe the bouncer should hit you.
Bouncers are dumb. Thats just a statement. Look at them. They aren't in school for for a reason.
This is awesome because this guy is drunk as fuck. Its also not awesome because being drunk behind the wheel is stupid. This is alot like playing Mario Kart while your controller is broke. Its not like Mario Kart because its real life and crashing doesn't result in a respawn. Must have hit a turtle.
25 MPH is a lame speed to crash at.
Being drunk at your favorite teams place is awesome.
Ive done it too many times to count, and Ive also fallen down rows of people and gotten kicked out. Its hilarious.
This guy, he dances like a drunk bastard, and then,. when the cops come.......hes cool.
FAKER. Hes not a real fan. Hes also not a beer drinker.
He liked KOOL-AID and his cat has 3 legs and cant run away.
First off......I saw this next video and closed it out. I didnt think it needed a second look. I actually started searching for another video. Then I went back. My head told me to go back.
This video wins.
This guy is not drunk. Hes awesome. And im a fool.
Your a fool too. You thought he was going to fall and get kicked by other drunk people.
That might have been my wish.
And the winner is........
Wait til the end.
How happy is the butler with the tray of drinks?
Whos a butler anymore?
Unless your name is alfred.
Ok. Im done, and also mad.
Im sorry no review again,. but ill get the french beer and hook you up next week
Its pretty straight forward, and buying it on ebay is fucking stupid when you could just make it yourself. Dont be lazy. All you need it a pair of scissors and an empty Coke can. After you cut the can, use the sharp edge of the scissors on your wrist.
Canoflauge
You can also buy these on Ebay. They are magnetic wraps to put around your beer. It seems like a better idea than the can cover, but wait.......
Cans aren't magnetic. If this guys making money.....you know what? I applaud him. If your dumb enough to buy this, then you deserve to have less money than you did.
Thats one of the most legit websites Ive ever been to. Its a fantastic idea. How many times have you been caught trying to sneak beers into a football game, only to be thwarted by stadium security?
Beers are soooo damn expensive in there too. Being a Bills fan, spending 10 bucks for a beer seems worth it after watching countless seasons of mediocrity, but NAY!
Im not sure how many it holds, but its gotta be at least a 6 pack. And when you have a few kids and cant really use it anymore, it could also double as a child carrier.
For the ladies....
The wine rack
Lets face it. Your girlfriends boobs are small. It happens. She also is ornery and has a shitty attitude.
This invention solves both problems.
Its scientific fact that girls are way cooler when they drink alcohol. When was the last time your girl drank a beer while doing a handstand on a toilet in a public restroom sober?
Never.
I rest my case.
There you have it. Just a few ideas to help you cope with your meaningless life.
I hope Ive made you a better person.
I'm always apologizing for lack of updates. I'm going to stop doing that because its just a given at this point. Its cold up here in Buffalo, NY. Colder than Atlanta, and a lot more snow too. All you down there are pussies. Now that Ive covered that.....
Taking a shit while drinking a beer is liberating. Its the first thing I like to do after work on Saturday. Its the gateway to my weekend. A rusty ass shitty gateway. If your reading this from Western New York, I had Mighty Taco today. You'll understand. The Olympics are in full swing, and I'm only really watching speed skating, skiing, boarding, curling, and hockey. Go team USA. Good luck to the rest of you in other countries, mostly those of you in France who gained me a lot of views over the past 2 weeks.
Merci. Ce qui estune bonne bièredeFrance? I asked a good beer from France.
I cant imagine playing curling without beers. Its kinda like winter horseshoes. I suck at shoes.
Quilmas comes to us from Argentina. It expired in 2012. Yes, thats right. This beer is expired. Fuck it.
Its bordered by Bolivia and Paraguay to the north, Brazil to the northeast, Uruguay and the Atlantic Ocean to the east, Chile to the west and the Drake Passage to the south, which again, if you are a Playstation fan, Uncharted territory. Ive had Brazilian beer before, and it wasnt the worst.
A Spanish colony was formed there in 1776, the same year as us Americans independence. They had a fight for independence that lasted 8 years which ended up with them winning. We should have alot in common right?
The word Argentina comes from Latin and means "silver". Its funny they named it that because the Spanish named it that because they thought there was silver there from a fucken rumor. Jerk offs. How did that go for you? Oh, no silver and a bunch of your dudes died. Greedy fucks.
On to the beer....
Quilm.......Im not drunk enough to do this. Ill be back in 45 minutes.
Yeah dude. I set a 45 minute alarm to drink 8 beers. I got 6 and 1/2. Im not what I used to be. I have to edit the site to show past posts because ive been too stupid to know it only shows the last 5. Need to relearn HTML. Good luck after a few beers. fuuuuck, but anyways,
I feel safe continuing.
The company itself, Cervecería y Maltería Quilmes, (i copied that because i cant spell it), Grew big time in the 1920's, becoming the best beer in Buenos Aires. I know your asking.....why not Keystone?
In a running theme, a big time soda company owns them.
Pepsi.
The beer itself is 4.9 percent. It tastes weird. OH WAIT. ITS EXPIRED.
For fucks sake!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im leaving that @ symbol for effect.
I go and buy beer ffrom my joint thinking they know what the fuck they are doing, but seriously? If you check my Greek beer review, they did the same god damned thing. This is worse though. Its not just a month or two, Its a fucken year or two. Theres shit floating in the bottle. I didnt notice til there was about an inch left on the 6th one. Before you castrate me, you should know......
I buy these beers in a 6 pack. Ive said before, "if you think your going to show up to any party I throw with a 6 pack thinking your going to change the game, Ill punch you in the face", theres more.
Theres always more.
Im a HUGE Labatts drinker. Theres always an extra 18 pack in tow, If not a 30.
So fuck off on that shit.
To be honest, It was so decent, I didnt question it. Then I remembered the Greek beer review and decided to check.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, SHAME ON YOU.
Shame on me really. I dont really care. It was still good enough for me not to question it at first.
The Verdict
Of course, im a stupid shit eating fuck tard.
Its really a good beer even after a few months or years of expiration. This country has a lot in common with the States, so drink up if you can find it still drinkable. Who knows, This might have been the last batch.
Im not a professional. Thats why you love me.
Lets face it. With today's technology, videos cameras are everywhere and there's already no telling how many videos of you there are out there hitting on your friends grandma. There is no review this week. Im sorry. I am pounding some Labatts though, which has to count for something. Im going to scour Youtube to find some videos of drunken fools and collect a few of them here for you instead. This will be an ongoing thing im going to add to the site instead of just the updates.
I typed in youyube.com. Great start.
This is fucking excellent. The look on the drunk guys face while he stares into the eyes of the refs are like Sam Jacksons eyes as he looked into that one kids face right before he ate his Big Kahuna burger. That guy who ran up and spine crushed him only did it because 50 minutes before, he was reliving how he missed the tackle that would have sent his Texas high school team to states at the bar with his buddies. Thats a championship tackle.
This is awesome because the drunk guy never throws a punch. Hes got a few dudes rocking him quick but decides the best option is to kick. Thats kinda fucked up because his footing was all shitty the whole time. Ive been in this spot before. Sometimes your so hammered, you wobble around so much your brain thinks its only possible because someone obviously pushed you. I like the power stance right before his attack. If someones standing in front of me like that, im probably going to try to give him some money or something.
This guy would have been better off riding the rails. The music put to this is spot on! My favorite part is the when he touches down at the end. Things like that are only possible if your drunk. He walks it off like a boss.
If your into video games, he totally looks like agent 47 from Hitman.
This is the guy I want to party with, except it would only be once because people like this need beer poured on them. No friends with him either so you know he watched this video and thats how he found out how his face got messed up. Who dresses like that anyways? Must have been at a wedding. Open bar? Im betting so.
Is it even necessary to do a breathalizer here? This dude just put a hole in your wall with his fucking face. I cant believe this cop kept a straight face. I wouldnt want to play that guy in poker. Bad form though for that being your drunk room. Should be like a pool table in there or a dartboard. Maybe even a jukebox with Stairway to Heaven being the only song you can play.
Maybe its the beers, but that drunk guy looks alittle like Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Great show.
Alright. Thats about it. Have a good weekend everyone.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year guys. Seriously.
I had a great holidays. Lots of friends and family and all that good stuff. Gained too much weight but here I am on a new years night to declare to lose it. All in. I apologize for the lack of updates. With all the family and beer, its been hard. I like to dedicate a section to this site by myself with no one around. I hate to update with family around, mostly because they would read this and hate me and buy me less.
By the way, my birthday is Thursday. Wassup.
Out of all the beer I have researched, this is the least. Theres like no info online about this shit. For a new year post, I should have went Chinese or something, but Ive done that. I could do Australia. Nope. Britain. Nope.
Im not driving anymore. The dude I used to buy off of died In a car accident near where I live last week. He was a beer man, and knew his shit. Im still pretty sad about all of it. He helped me pick "weird beer" out, and hes obviously not here anymore so now its really just me. Hit a semi head on, on the 23rd, 2 days before Christmas. Fucked up.
Here's what I learned from this place, and I'm going to copy and paste because its so little.......
D&G produces one of Jamaica's best-known exports, Red Stripebeer,
and also exports Old Jamaica Ginger Beer. It brews other malt beverages
for the local market under the brand names Red Stripe Light, Dragon Stout, Malta (nonalcoholic), Smirnoff Ice, Guinness, and Heineken.
Dragon Stout
Dragon was introduced in 1920.[2] Its brewing process utilities a Grade A two-row European malt, caramel, roasted malt and dark brown sugar.
END COPY AND PASTE
Its from Jamaica, and I would put all kinds of puns and jokes in, but what am I going to say?
They smoke weed? They got a bobsled team? Fuck it. Its a beer that's got a hard bite, and its good if you like dirty beer. Dirty beer doesn't have a description unless you've had it. Its your lager beer that's local and fermented. Like in your basement for 3 years.
THE VERDICT
Its hard but only because no ones buying it. pretty sure its like that all the time.
I hope you have a great 2014 and buy because I say so, not because your dad does.
Spending more time then I wanted to in the far east, I decided to try coming back to this side of the planet since Famosa was pretty decent. Before I write a review, I read up on the country it was brewed in and the Company that brewed it so I can throw a few interesting tidbits in and have a feeling like I know what the fuck I'm talking about. I had to put the wiki into Google translate, which is always a good sign.
I used to work at a Burger King when I was in high school and there was a few people who worked there who came from Brazil to come see what the States was like. They got set up with the job and the location to live, which was in a trailer park by the way. Whoever decided they should come to Buffalo and work at a Thru-way Burger King to really get a grasp on American life was either spot fucking on or has an awesome sense of humor.
Anyways, they told me Brazil was beautiful, but to look out for girls who claimed to be girls, but would later turn out to be dudes. Not sure if thats really a thing but this beer is as about as close to Brazil as I'm going to get, so thanks guys.
Palma Louca is brewed by Cervejaria Kaise. I think I spelled that right. Coca-Cola owns 10 percent of them, which makes me respect Coke alittle more. From there, it gets alittle crazy. Molson Canadian had a brewery in Brazil, which is fucking nuts by the way, and Cervejaria Kaise bought them for 765 million dollars US. They had a little help in Heineken which threw in 220 mil for a stake in the company.
Brazil is a really beautiful country, through pictures, since Ive never been there. Its the worlds 5th largest country, by both land area and population. No telling how many of them are trying to trap you into a sexual encounter though.
Its kinda weird that being the number five biggest country on the planet, the only time you hear of Brazil is when a soccer game is on TV.
The beer itself is 4.5 percent alc. and is a pale pilsner. Its not a beer thats going to make you cringe when you drink it, and could easily be mistaken for any American or Canadian beer. You could drink some of this beer, and have your girl drink the other half, because you probably split beers with your girlfriend you pussy.
The Verdict
5.5 out of 10
Not too bad, but not too good. Its not a beer I would go out to buy, but something I could drink alot of if it was the only choice at a party. Its not unlike beer most people already drink just the the hell of it, slightly sweet, bland and inoffensive.
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