The art of hiding your beer.

Beer hiding help is on the way

I pulled that picture off google. That guys driving. Christ. 

Lets face it, your an alcoholic who cant even go to work without drinking. Your a low-life.

Im here to help you. 

In todays post, Ive gathered a few ideas and tricks to help you deal with your low income job. 

Upon looking into this, Ive realized people are super desperate, and as they say, desperation is the mother of invention.

 They dont say that.

Using a soda can to cover

There is a guy selling these on Ebay. Seriously.

Its pretty straight forward, and buying it on ebay is fucking stupid when you could just make it yourself. Dont be lazy. All you need it a pair of scissors and an empty Coke can. After you cut the can, use the sharp edge of the scissors on your wrist. 

 

Canoflauge

 You can also buy these on Ebay. They are magnetic wraps to put around your beer. It seems like a better idea than the can cover, but wait.......

Cans aren't magnetic. If this guys making money.....you know what? I applaud him. If your dumb enough to buy this, then you deserve to have less money than you did.

The beer belly

This is real, and yes, you can buy it. 

http://www.thebeerbelly.com/

Thats one of the most legit websites Ive ever been to. Its a fantastic idea. How many times have you been caught trying to sneak beers into a football game, only to be thwarted by stadium security?

Beers are soooo damn expensive in there too. Being a Bills fan, spending 10 bucks for a beer seems worth it after watching countless seasons of mediocrity, but NAY!

Im not sure how many it holds, but its gotta be at least a 6 pack.  And when you have a few kids and cant really use it anymore, it could also double as a child carrier. 

For the ladies....

The wine rack

Lets face it. Your girlfriends boobs are small. It happens. She also is ornery and has a shitty attitude.
This invention solves both problems.
Its scientific fact that girls are way cooler when they drink alcohol. When was the last time your girl drank a beer while doing a handstand on a toilet in a public restroom sober?
Never.
I rest my case.

There you have it. Just a few ideas to help you cope with your meaningless life.
I hope Ive made you a better person. 

Quilmes - Another mistake

Quilmes - Argentina

I'm always apologizing for lack of updates. I'm going to stop doing that because its just a given at this point. Its cold up here in Buffalo, NY. Colder than Atlanta, and a lot more snow too. All you down there are pussies. Now that Ive covered that.....

Taking a shit while drinking a beer is liberating. Its the first thing I like to do after work on Saturday. Its the gateway to my weekend. A rusty ass shitty gateway. If your reading this from Western New York, I had Mighty Taco today. You'll understand. The Olympics are in full swing, and I'm only really watching speed skating, skiing, boarding, curling, and hockey. Go team USA. Good luck to the rest of you in other countries, mostly those of you in France who gained me a lot of views over the past 2 weeks.
 Merci.
 Ce qui est une bonne bière de France?
I asked a good beer from France. 
 I cant imagine playing curling without beers. Its kinda like winter horseshoes. I suck at shoes. 

Quilmas comes to us from Argentina. It expired in 2012. Yes, thats right. This beer is expired. Fuck it. 

Its bordered by Bolivia and Paraguay to the north, Brazil to the northeast, Uruguay and the Atlantic Ocean to the east, Chile to the west and the Drake Passage to the south, which again, if you are a Playstation fan, Uncharted territory. Ive had Brazilian beer before, and it wasnt the worst. 

A Spanish colony was formed there in 1776, the same year as us Americans independence. They had a fight for independence that lasted 8 years which ended up with them winning. We should have alot in common right?
The word Argentina comes from Latin and means "silver". Its funny they named it that because the Spanish named it that because they thought there was silver there from a fucken rumor. Jerk offs. How did that go for you? Oh, no silver and a bunch of your dudes died. Greedy fucks.

On to the beer....

 Quilm.......Im not drunk enough to do this. Ill be back in 45 minutes. 

Yeah dude. I set a 45 minute alarm to drink 8 beers. I got 6 and 1/2. Im not what I used to be. I have to edit the site to show past posts because ive been too stupid to know it only shows the last 5. Need to relearn HTML. Good luck after a few beers. fuuuuck, but anyways,

I feel safe continuing. 

The company itself, Cervecería y Maltería Quilmes, (i copied that because i cant spell it), Grew big time in the 1920's, becoming the best beer in Buenos Aires. I know your asking.....why not Keystone?

In a running theme, a big time soda company owns them.
Pepsi. 

The beer itself is 4.9 percent. It tastes weird. OH WAIT. ITS EXPIRED. 

For fucks sake!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im leaving that @ symbol for effect. 

I go and buy beer ffrom my joint thinking they know what the fuck they are doing, but seriously? If you check my Greek beer review, they did the same god damned thing. This is worse though. Its not just a month or two, Its a fucken year or two. Theres shit floating in the bottle. I didnt notice til there was about an inch left on the 6th one. Before you castrate me, you should know......

I buy these beers in a 6 pack. Ive said before, "if you think your going to show up to any party I throw with a 6 pack thinking your going to change the game, Ill punch you in the face", theres more.

Theres always more. 

Im a HUGE Labatts drinker. Theres always an extra 18 pack in tow, If not a 30. 

So fuck off on that shit. 

To be honest, It was so decent, I didnt question it. Then I remembered the Greek beer review and decided to check.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, SHAME ON YOU. 

Shame on me really. I dont really care. It was still good enough for me not to question it at first.

The Verdict

Of course, im a stupid shit eating fuck tard.
Its really a good beer even after a few months or years of expiration. This country has a lot in common with the States, so drink up if you can find it still drinkable. Who knows, This might have been the last batch.
Im not a professional. Thats why you love me.

7 out of 10